we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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