A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
