You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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