What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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