Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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