I puked a lego.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
