I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize