Do you still have your period?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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