You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
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Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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