My liver just broke up with me...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
