I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I looked at my own cervix.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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