they need to just BURY HIM!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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