Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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