btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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