can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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