those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
