dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
