Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
