All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
