Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm getting married
To pizza
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
