Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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