I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
