bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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