Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
