having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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