Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
