We won't sleep together?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
