Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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