I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
