Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
