Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
