What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
