I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
