I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
