I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
