cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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