If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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