farters have to be the big spoon...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
