I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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