She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
