It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
