I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
