I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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