no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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