and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
