32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
