This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
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You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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