Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Found your dick twin last night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
