There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
