All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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