He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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