I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
