It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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