just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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