Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
