oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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