I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
