i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
