Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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