i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
