The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
