I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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