just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
